BUT I DON'T WANNA HOLD YOUR DAMN APPLE

In the piano lessons we take as children, they tell us to keep the back straight, the wrists flat, the fingers curved. Our legs are under us, as our toes barely brush the floor. Our posture is perfect, our head is up, our hands are curved around this imaginary apple the whole time we play.

Perfect posture and flat wrists are for ballet.

When I want to make music, I MOVE. Try, instead of putting your legs at a perfect 90 degree angle, try stretching one straight as the other pounds on the pedal. Try throwing your head back as you sing, try USING your spine instead of clinging to it. And the apple? Don't forget the apple! That would be *bad*. No, my friend, never forget the apple, but don't hold the damn thing, either. This isn't snack time! SMASH THE THING WITH YOUR HAND!!!!!!!! SMASH IT INTO THE PIANO AND LET ITS LITTLE APPLE JUICY PULPY BITS RUN THROUGH THE KEYS AND FUCK THE THING UP!

Classical piano players are so much like ballerinas. The serious, obsessive, anorexic, cutthroat ballerinas. It is so liberating to get that pointe shoe out of your asshole and lose your inhibitions. Bang as loud as you can.

It's good for the soul.